The rain began pouring down at nine that night, followed by a power outage in the neighborhood. The pitch-black darkness and chill made the house fall quiet.
“Mas, where’s the umbrella?” Alya called from the guest room. “It’s in the car,” Revan answered. He stood and reached for his jacket.
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Nadia was lighting several candles and singing children’s songs to keep her fussy younger child company.
“Mom, it’s dark,” the child whined. “Yeah, sweetheart. Just a minute,” Nadia whispered.
Suddenly, the back door opened, revealing Revan’s entire body trembling from the cold. Revan stepped inside, his clothes soaked through. “I left the umbrella behind, Nadia.”
Nadia turned quickly. “Here, hurry and get a towel.” She pointed toward the drying rack nearby.
They were the only ones still awake in the house. Alya had been fast asleep for a while, and so had the children. The only sound was the patter of rain falling freely onto the roof.
Silence. Far too much silence.
“Five years,” Revan said at last, breaking the silence without looking at Nadia. “That went by fast.”
Nadia poured tea into two cups. “Yeah.”
“Why… why weren’t you angry when I left?” The question slipped out before he could stop it.
Nadia was silent for a long time. The candle flame flickered in the wind coming through the crack in the door.
“Because I knew why,” she replied softly. “And being angry wouldn’t have changed anything.”
Revan stared at his cup of tea. Steam rose against his face, warming it.
“Was I a coward, Nadia?” Revan asked, turning slightly toward her this time.
“No,” Nadia said. “You were protecting everyone. Including me.” Her voice was firm.
“Then what about now?” Revan lifted his head. “What are we now, Nadia?”
Nadia raised her face. In the candlelight ahead of them, her eyes glistened with tears.
“We’re… a guest and a hostess, Van. That’s all.” Nadia gave a faint smile as she said it.
Those words—“that’s all”—were enough to make the man beside her let out a long breath. There were feelings neither of them could put into words. For Revan, it hurt too much to be treated as if he were nothing, especially when he had spent all this time fighting to bury his feelings.
Revan let out a quiet laugh. “Yeah. That’s all.” The words sounded unbearably bitter.
The rain grew heavier as the conversation between the two people caught in the wrong kind of love grew more intense. Starting to feel uncomfortable, Nadia decided to end it.
She stood. “I’m going out back for a minute,” she said. “It’s raining, Nadia.” “It’s okay.”
Nadia stepped onto the front porch without an umbrella. She let the rain pour over her hair.
Revan followed and caught her by the arm. “Get inside!” Nadia pulled free. “Let go, Van.”
For the first time in five years, they called each other by their real names. Not “Mas.” Not “Mbak.”
“Nadia,” Revan whispered. “I still—”
“Don’t,” Nadia cut him off quickly. Tears and rainwater mingled on her face.
“Don’t say it. I have a family. You have a fiancée.”
Revan clenched both hands into fists. He hadn’t expected Nadia to be so direct, as if she were deliberately hurting him with the reality between them. “I know. That’s why I left back then.”
“Then why did you come back?” Nadia asked. Her voice broke.
“Because I thought five years would be enough to forget,” Revan replied. “But it wasn’t.”
Silence wrapped around them once again. Only the sound of the rain, growing heavier by the second, filled the air.
Nadia wiped the water from her face. “That’s enough. Come inside. You’ll get sick.”
She walked ahead, leaving Revan standing in the rain.
At the doorway, Nadia stopped, but she didn’t look back. “Thank you, Van. For choosing to leave back then.” Her heart churned.
She was torn between pain and satisfaction. Then she kept walking and closed the door, leaving Revan standing outside, lost in thought.
Now the empty space in his heart felt even wider. Revan gave a bitter smile and murmured, “How am I supposed to heal?”