Maybe no one will ever understand what loneliness feels like—how you can still feel empty even when you're surrounded by people. Maybe no one will ever understand how loss can leave your heart numb. You can't feel anything anymore—pain, hatred, or any other emotion.
Maybe no one will ever understand how love can make you miserable; how it forces you to deceive others, even yourself. You abandon the identity you've worked so hard to protect. I understand what love is now, but unfortunately, the object of my love has vanished. Vanished because of my own mistake.
Just like before, after the terrifying experience I'd gone through, after that near-death incident, I woke up alive in my room for the third time. My body was completely wrapped in a blanket. I wasn't surprised anymore. I knew perfectly well that what had happened yesterday was real; the slash on my arm was proof.
I still clearly remembered taking Adit to the rooftop to hear his story. I remembered how we ended up in that room. I also remembered how the hooded person killed Adit. I remembered everything. I wasn't sad at all. More accurately, I had no right to be sad because I was the one who'd taken Adit to that room. But I couldn't remember why I'd taken him there when I knew a murderer was lurking. It was as if my body had been controlled; there were fragments of memory I couldn't recall clearly.
I headed to school. I had to be ready in case the teachers and police questioned me about Adit's death. When I reached the classroom, only Haijima Yoko was there. The clock read 6:50 a.m. Class would be starting soon, but why hadn't anyone else arrived?
Haijima Yoko stared at me intensely, as if examining every inch of my body. I understood. She probably wanted to know why both my hands were wrapped in bandages. But she didn't seem brave enough to ask, and I didn't care because I was in a terrible mood.
The teacher didn't come in again today. I took the opportunity to leave the classroom and be alone. Unfortunately, Chaterine, Giva, and Sophia followed me.
"We're coming with you!" Chaterine announced, then wrapped an arm around me.
Without realizing it, my feet carried us to the rooftop. They looked happy when we arrived. "Why didn't you tell us there was a place like this?" Chaterine asked, pouting. I only gave her a faint smile. I had actually just found out about this place myself.
"Oh, what's that room? How can there be a room up here?" Giva walked toward the little room, and I followed her. Meanwhile, Chaterine and Sophia were still busy chasing each other around, acting out a scene from an Indian movie.
"Do you think we can go inside?" Giva asked as she tried pushing the door.
"You want to go in?" I asked with a wide grin. I slowly pushed the door open and—
"What are you doing here?"
Marco's voice made me stop myself from taking Giva inside. Marco glared at me. I had no idea why he was so angry. "The teacher is already in the classroom. She wants to give us some important information," Marco said coldly.
"Aw, but we were having fun," Chaterine complained.
Chaterine, Giva, and Sophia went ahead, while I deliberately slowed down because I didn't feel like going back to class. I was afraid they'd question me about what had happened yesterday. Who would want to remember a murder happening right in front of their eyes?
Marco slowly approached me and walked beside me. He looked at both my arms, wrapped in bandages. Without asking permission, he grabbed my arm and examined it intently. Our sharp gazes met. Marco leaned his face toward mine and whispered, "Don't get involved in other people's problems. DAN-GER!"
He emphasized every syllable. I stayed silent and didn't respond to his warning.
"Another victim of the serial killer has been found. This time, it's someone from Class 2A. His name was Aditya Azkarial. He was found dead beside his house yesterday afternoon," said Ms. Cici, the Chemistry teacher.
Thump!
I swallowed with difficulty. Why had he been found dead near his house? I'd seen it happen myself on the rooftop. Was I hallucinating again? No, the wounds on my hands were real.
Drip!
I felt a drop of water land on my hand. Why? Was I crying? Hadn't I already said I had no right to cry over him? I quickly wiped away my tears, but more drops fell. My chest felt tight.
"You all need to be careful. With Adit's death, we know that the target isn't limited to Class 2D," Ms. Cici continued.
Those words might have reassured some of the students, but to me, they were a bad sign. Hope would only lower our guard.
The next day, Sonia and Kugisaki Nana were found dead near their homes. Their condition was the same: their bodies had been stabbed, and their faces slashed. Nowhere was safe anymore. There were already six victims, and I knew why Adit's death felt different. It was because of my stupidity in taking him to that place. I shook my head. I wasn't going to confess. I was a victim too. I hadn't killed him.
"Have you noticed that all the victims had bad reputations?" Chaterine began a discussion among the four of us.
"But Adit was a decent guy, in my opinion," Sophia countered.
"Set aside the victims from the other classes. The victims from our class—Fujiwara Sena, Aikawa Yuri, and Andin—were girls who had bad relationships with men. They were always switching partners. Sonia and Kugisaki Nana, meanwhile, were sharp-tongued girls with foul mouths," Chaterine explained her theory like a detective.
"Um, since most of the victims are women, the killer is probably a man. Maybe he hates flirty women and rude women," Giva theorized.
"No! I think the culprit is a woman. Maybe she felt threatened or was hurt by what they said," Sophia argued.
I stayed silent. If I gave my opinion, they would just put me down again. I'd heard the word "stupid" from them enough already.
School was canceled for a week. We gathered at Sophia's house at Chaterine's invitation to discuss something "important." The night was so quiet; Sophia's parents weren't home.
"Aren't you curious? Let's expose the mastermind behind these murders. We can play detective," Chaterine suggested. Giva and Sophia agreed, making the decision without asking me. The mission would begin tomorrow night.
I started getting bored. I remembered the chocolate I'd kept in my bag. When I reached inside, my hand brushed against something sharp. "Ow!" I whimpered.
"What happened?" Giva asked.
"Looks like there's a needle in my bag. I scratched myself by accident," I lied.
"You idiot!" Chaterine said while Sophia giggled.
Without them noticing, I pulled out my injured hand. Blood was pouring from it. I checked my bag again and found a kitchen knife. Why was this in here? I panicked inwardly.
"Does anyone want me to pick up some food? I want to buy chocolate," I said as an excuse. I went outside because I wanted to throw away the sharp object before they found it. I looked for somewhere dark and a little farther away. Just as I was about to throw away the knife, someone suddenly appeared.
It was Kuina, the shortest girl in class, and she had an incredibly curious nature. "What are you doing out here alone this late at night?" she asked suspiciously. Her eyes flicked toward my hand. "Why is your hand bleeding? And... huh? Is that a knife?"
Before she could finish speaking, I clamped a hand over her mouth. I pulled her away from the mouth of the alley. I held the knife right in front of her face. "If you hadn't gotten involved, this wouldn't be happening to you," I whispered.
My heartbeat raced in time with Kuina's fear. I grinned widely. I began playing with the knife near her face, then slowly stabbed her in the stomach. The first stab was weak, meant only to cause pain. But the next one struck a vital spot. She groaned in agony while I felt a blazing excitement.
"Hahaha... Hahaha!" I laughed as I watched her collapse. Blood flowed heavily. I lifted her already-pale face. "Are you okay, Kuina?" I asked gently, but she didn't answer. Maybe she was already dead.
I stood up, satisfied. I threw the knife, and it struck her stomach, then casually walked away while straightening my clothes. Suddenly, my vision blurred and my body felt light.
"You're still doing this, huh, Aora?" Faintly, I heard someone's voice saying my name. Who was it? Did I know them?
"If... you... sep... haya...."
I couldn't make out what they were saying. Then my consciousness faded.