After a little back-and-forth with my wife, I headed to the office. Still, I couldn't shake the uneasy feeling.
"I'll ask Mamas Wahyu later," I'd said that morning to reassure my wife.
Turns out, the words "I'll ask later" had a huge effect on my wife. As proof, she immediately smiled, then went back to cooking while singing.
All of a sudden, I wanted to turn the kitchen into a concert stage. And I could be the guy selling the tickets.
I could get rich overnight.
Hahahaaa!
That afternoon, I came home from the office carrying some rujak as a little gift. Exactly what my wife had ordered.
Wait, relax!
The weather had been clear that morning, then it got hot all the way through the afternoon. I was sure my wife's mood wouldn't change today.
As soon as I got home, my wife was already standing by the door. As usual.
"What did you bring, Angah?" my wife asked with a smile.
I merely rolled my eyes for a moment, then smiled back at her. Even without asking, she definitely knew what I was carrying.
"Ta-da!" I showed her the clear plastic bag in my hand. "Special rujak ordered by My Love, My World, My Universe."
My wife was silent for five seconds, then her face fell into a pout as she took the bag from me.
I had been on cloud nine, but I wilted instantly. Whenever my wife pouted like that, it meant I had brought disaster.
"I don't remember ordering rujak, Angah."
See? I knew something was wrong.
My wife kept turning the clear plastic bag over and over. "I only ordered the rujak sauce!"
Now it was my turn to stay silent for five seconds.
Rule number one: whenever my wife asks me to pick something up, I have to confirm it first. The problem was... I'd forgotten to confirm that morning.
Rule number two: if she's asked me to pick something up, I have to ask again before buying it. Since I was in a hurry, I deliberately didn't ask over the phone. It has to be a phone call or video call, okay?
Because my wife's tongue is prone to typos.
At first she'll say, "Pick up some bakso, okay?" but in the end, she only wanted me to buy some bakso. Meanwhile, I'd already bought the whole soup-filled package, complete with everything.
Just like this case.
"Looks like your ears were the ones typoing this morning, babe." I chose honesty over fighting until neither of us could sleep.
"You just let your typos run wild, Angah!" my wife shouted as she sashayed into the kitchen.
As if she didn't let her own typos run wild!
In my wife's eyes, not taking initiative was the same as asking for trouble, while taking initiative was also the same as causing trouble.
So I chose the second option. Was it a problem? Trouble was already part of my daily diet.
Every night before bed, my wife takes the bag of trash out in front of the house. This time, I deliberately took it out first, counting it as an apology for my ears that morning.
After throwing out the bag of trash, I immediately felt relieved. At least it would make my wife happy.
The moment I stepped inside, my wife was pacing back and forth in the kitchen with a panicked look on her face.
"What are you looking for, babe?" I asked, pretending to panic along with her.
"You were the one who threw out the trash bag from here, Angah, right?"
I puffed out my chest proudly. "Yep, babe."
"Why did you thrrooowww it out?!"
I panicked for real.
"What's wrong, babe?"
My wife slapped her forehead in frustration.
"I hadn't sorted the trash yet, Angah. The orange peels, banana peels, onion skins, food wrappers, and shopping receipts were all still mixed together...."
I kept listening to my wife rant.
"...Orange, banana, and onion peels make great plant fertilizer, and the food wrappers can still be recycled into crafts. And I was planning to burn the shopping receipts to make mosquito repellent!"
Now it was my turn to slap my forehead in frustration.
I had just realized how valuable all that trash was in my wife's eyes.
At 11:05 p.m., I left the house wearing a mask. I held my phone in my right hand to use as a flashlight, while my left hand rummaged through the trash bag looking for orange, banana, and onion peels.
What else could I do?
Anything to make my wife stop yelling—and so I could still sleep soundly in our bedroom tonight.